So I’m reading about goal and time management this week. In it, they talk about doing 5 things each day that is directly related toward reaching your goal. For many of you, realize that my first and primary goal is to get to a weight around 140 lbs. So for this week i have a goal of doing 5 things each day directly tied toward reaching this goal. they’re listed below:

- Yoga/45 minutes of cardio each day

- flaxseed oil 1 Tbsp.

- Drinking Water

- Adding Veggies

- Getting plenty of sleep

I’ll keep you posted with what I’m able to accomplish. Should be a fun week!

I love hypnosis. It’s really helping me to stay focused on my dream and my goals. I’m starting to really discover that youthful amazing woman who was locked up inside me for so long. I used to be so fearless and now I’m rediscovering that I can be that girl again. People’s opinions and their critisism has no meaning. And more importantly my own self censure has no meaning. These negative thoughts have no value. I can’t tell you how amazing that feeling is.

I’ve started and kept to the yoga thing for the last couple of weeks. I haven’t weighed myself in  a couple of weeks but I feel more alive. I look forward to going every day. I find ways to make my health and fitness a priority. I find ways to make healthy decisions a priority. It makes me feel alive again. I love it. I’m earning my little dots on my calendar and loving every minute of it.

You know what. It’s also making me easier to work with. It’s making me more forgiveable of other people’s flaws. I’m much more forgiving… of myself… of others… I’m finding peace.

Today during yoga, it was a good experience. I got up super early. Yes 5am. Yes. I was a little early as I had overestimated my time to arrival. I did my yoga. I’ll clearly state that I am by far not the best yoga person ever. I am very much a work in progress. I find the Eagle pose one of the most challenging. I DO NOT fit into a pretzel. I never realized how very unlimber my shoulders are and am working on that. But instead of focusing on the negatives, I’m focus on the good stuff. I was able to do an amazing thing today. I was able to do a full bikram yoga class at 6am. Tomorrow’s another day. Now I know how much time I need to get to the office. And I also found the new work showers so I don’t have to go home and shower. Tonight I’m packing a bag and I’ll be ready. It’s also great to have a plan each day. I feel less stressed and chicken with head cut offish.

So I just started a 30 day Bikram challenge. I am challenging myself as much as possible to do as many yoga classes I can in the next 30 days. Insane huh? Yes. It’s insane. I know. It’s gonna require some sacrifice. It’s going to demand that I get up at 5am and be prepared to run out the door, prepared with fresh clothes, yoga mat, and towel. there’s a lot of work going into this challenge. It’s going to be insane. But stay tuned. I got up this morning and did the 9am class. It was slightly better than yesterday. I didn’t get nearly as dizzy. I can certainly feel my body stretching. Should be exciting adventure.

After my yoga -a-thon on Monday, I was a tad bit sore, but i could already feel my posturing being positively affected. Yoga isn’t my favorite form of exercise by far but I do certainly understand two things, 1) there are positive benefits and it’s good for me and 2) All over the world, there are day walk-in per session classes. So i took up on option 2 and decided to work out some of the soreness by taking another yoga class on Wednesday in Dallas. And it was great. It was a great way to expose myself to a different discipline, work out some soreness, and meet some new people. I really enjoyed it.

You know what I really enjoyed today? Really really? I put on a pair of jeans that just came out of the wash that 2 weeks ago were a little tight. Today. Well today, they fit perfectly and/or were a little loose on the initial fitting. It was a great feeling. Baby steps! Yoga really will help change your body composition.

I know I have been remiss in posting here lately. I’ve been a little more active on the other blog and have also been better about staying in shape and following a good healthy diet. I’ve been quite successful in recent weeks. But I found a blog that stirred up something inside me that I needed to get out. Thus I have returned here to post about issues we all face.

http://www.backinskinnyjeans.com/2008/08/off-your-chest.html

Read it for yourself. What I find funny is that this post mirrors the choices I’ve made in my life almost exactly. The weight, job, life, relationship issues all stem from an underlying problem that I haven’t faced and admitted to ever. They all stem from my underlying messages that I send to myself that “i’m not good enough”. It’s taken years to face up to the fact that underneath it all, I am constantly sending myself messages that exacerbate the issues. The weight issue is just one symptom of an underlying low self esteem. Who would have thought it? A fat girl with a self esteem problem. Regardless of the weight, the relationship, the friends, I have never felt good enough about myself to actively participate in life. So I have thrown myself into my work, the one area that I am confident I can do things right. Of course the pendulum swings and years go by and I’m no better off now than I was years ago.

But all hope is not lost. Believe it or not, I’m starting to realize what I’m doing to myself. to others. and how I’m living my life is entirely within my control. Amazing isn’t it? Well. It first started with a series of events all culminating in this epiphany. Surprising how God works huh? You start with a dash of heartbreak and disappointment, add in a dose of grief and regret and you end up with a nice little guilt cocktail. These events however have culminated in me taking action to rectify these issues before it’s too late. First I went on a vacation. I took time for myself to be by myself. It sincerely helped me understand that there are two major things going on in my life. First, work will always be there. And second, it’s not the most important thing in my life. Work will not take care of me when I need it to. I have to take care of myself and make myself a priority over all things.

I also started undergoing hypnosis to help me realize and STOP when I start sending myself some negative images. I’m amazed at how quickly and effectively it’s helped me put to rest some of my bad habits. I’m on the road to starting new ones and find that this therapy provides me with the mental fortitude to continue forward, making new positive changes in my life.

I’ve stopped working on the weekends. I haven’t answered or emailed all weekend long. I’m starting to pull back from work, much to my employer’s chagrin. There will be some tense times ahead as I put in place my priorities and learn to let go of the minor annoyances for things I can not change.

I’ve started the low carb diet back up again. Most noteably one of the smaller changes in my regime. I have started to ensure that I eat healthily and am more aware of the food choices I put in my mouth. It’s really helped me have more energy and sleep better. I appreciate the affects that altering the foods you put into your body affects your overall awareness of the world.

And finally I’ve started exercising. Not consistently yet. That’s to come. But I’m certainly more active than I was. I’m also exporing new ways to pursue these exercises. I am not a fan of the gym in a more traditional sense of the word. Even though I have hired a personal trainer to facilitate some of these changes, I find that I much more enjoy group classes and/or being outdoors. I’m not sure of the quality of the workouts I’m getting on my own personal time but I do feel the affects of Free Day of Yoga and Mountain biking. I’m finding that I’m drawn to the mountains. I really want to explore and enjoy the world around me. I find it therapeutic, energizing, and relaxing all at the same time. I guess I better get started on that list of goals if I’m ever gonna climb that mountain to the top!